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Journal Entry: August 13, 2009

I’ve had a Draft email with no recipient sitting in my GMail inbox for a week now. It goes as follows:

Well, to be fair, I did solve all crime, most hunger, energy dependence on fossil fuels, voter apathy, predatory lending, and unemployment BEFORE I started working on skanky sluts.

That was never actually meant to be an email. It was a reply I had ready for a conversation thread I started on Facebook when I posted the status update “Aaron Pogue is considering the real-world consequences of on-demand real-time modeling of the statistical distribution of sexually adventuresome barflies across a city’s club district. Y’know, for my books.”

It only occurred to me after I’d posted that that I have a bunch of church friends and dear old grannies who follow me on Facebook. So I did what I could to explain what I was getting at, and came up with a clever defense in case somebody challenged me for thinking about such things at all. But nobody did. So I’m manufacturing a setting in which I can share it with you guys.

Anyway, I had a ridiculously and unpleasantly busy day at work yesterday, and so I owe two days worth of diary. Tuesday night D– came over to hang out, and T– picked up McDonalds for us for dinner. Then we left AB playing under D–‘s watchful eye while T– and I went out to the garage to start prepping for the garage sale. We boxed up some stuff, moved some stuff around, and then I brought three old, haphazard socket sets into the living room and spent an hour sorting them out so we can sell down to just one.

After that I gave up on being useful for the night and went to the office to play Fallout until my bedtime. Then I loaded up a new Magic: The Gathering game I’d gotten through XBox Live Arcade, just to play for a couple minutes, and ended up playing that until midnight. Ugh.

Then I had to go to work yesterday, and it was awful.

Afterward, D– rode with us to dinner at Moe’s where we met K– and N–. It was a little chaotic with all of us squeezing around a booth meant for four, but fun! And of course the food was delicious. Then afterward K– and N– headed home and we went to grab snow cones before heading to Office Depot, then Hobby Lobby, then a different Office Depot in search of supplies for a project T– is working on. I spent most of that time trying out a Civilization game on D–‘s iPhone, so I had a good time. AB was pretty sick of her car seat by the time we got back to the house, though.

Then we watched some Conan and a little Psych before I headed back to the office to play some more Fallout while T– did some work on her laptop.

Oh, and then just before I woke up this morning I had an exceedingly odd dream which could best be titled “Drunk-driving Miss Daisy.”

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

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Journal Entry: August 10, 2009

I really only listen to music when I’m in my car, driving back and forth to work, so I’ve never developed very refined tastes. For the most part, I listen to hip hop stations. One thing you encounter with pop radio stations like that is a pretty small selection of music with heavy repeats. At any given time, there’s probably a library of six to ten hip hop songs getting played on the radio. The turnover is pretty quick, but you’re just not going to hear anything from the back catalog.

I’ve got the presets on my radio ordered by my preference (with the sixth and final preset dedicated to NPR). This morning on the drive in to work a commercial came on my number one station, and I punched all the way through to five before I found music playing. Five happens to be a country station that advertises its selection as “today’s top country.”

The song on the radio was Alan Jackson’s “Chattahoochee,” which is a song I really liked back when it first came out seventeen years ago. That’s today’s top country. I guess they’re ruling out Johnny Cash’s old stuff, and anything by Hank Williams, Sr.

Still, after that song went off I got to hear one called “God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy.” That one made me smile.

Friday
Last Friday I got off work a little bit early (as I often do on Fridays), so that left me a couple hours at home before I was supposed to head over to B– and E–‘s place. I spent it edging the yard.

See, we’ve only got an electric weed eater, and it’s the cheap sort with the stupid flimsy plastic string that’s constantly snapping and requiring field maintenance, so I really only edge the yard about once a year — when the grass along the front curb is hanging majestically out over the street and providing willowy shade to cars that pass beneath. Then I gear up for an afternoon of edging, and spend forty-five minutes hacking through the trunks of the fescue.

So I did that last Friday. It was hot Friday, and I did this around four in the afternoon, so just all around poor planning. Still, the yard looks pretty good now.

After that I got cleaned up and headed over to B– and E–‘s place, where we discussed dinner plans and (far more important) drinking plans. I floated the idea of some O. G. Diddies (the same vodka, grape, lemonade drink that we all learned to rue last Poker Night), and B– and E– were game, so we stopped by the grocery store on our way to pick up the pizza.

The drinks were a hit, the pizza was delicious, and while we were enjoying both, B– broke out the new Wii Sports Resort. I watched them play some (because I was ravenous), and then when E– tried throwing a Frisbee, I just had to try it out. I did about as well at that as I would’ve done in real life (which is to say, very poorly), so that left me impressed with the hardware.

Then I tried out the Samurai Showdown mode of swordfighting, which has you charging into a horde of sword-wielding Miis who surround you and then politely attack you one at a time. In true Samurai-movie fashion, you get to mow them down en masse. So much fun. I wore myself out playing that.

Then I decided to try out the archery mode, and had a lot of fun with that, too. Then B– challenged me to some pick-up basketball, and I did about as well as you’d expect. That is to say, I lost. Badly. I didn’t score a single point. Yay.

After that we turned off the Wii and turned on Tropic Thunder because, even though B– and E– had already seen it, they’d always wanted to see it with me. How cool is that? Halfway through I started pointing out that it’s really just a remake of The Three Amigos (and, at last, to audience familiar enough with The Three Amigos that they could actually get this), and of course that knowledge blew their minds. Fun stuff.

Anyway, after the movie we spent some time talking, so it was 2:15 before I got home. Somehow I managed not to be a complete idiot RE: consumption of alcohol, but I still didn’t feel like going to sleep when I got home, so I stayed up for another hour or two playing Fallout.

Saturday
Saturday morning I woke up at 10:30 and mowed the lawn, which took about twice as long as expected because we’ve spent most of the last week with high temperatures and heavy rain, so the grass has flourished. Anyway, I got that done, got cleaned up, and somehow it was already time to head to Wichita. I packed in a hurry, cleaned up the house just a little bit so T– wouldn’t have to come home to total chaos, and then ran up to Edmond to pick up my brother-in-law.

I got to drive the new Vue, which was sweet.

On the way north, we listened to the Lonely Island CD, and then spent an hour and a half discussing the premise for Burn Jump, and just how much effort I was going to spend appeasing the fickle interests of general relativity, causation, and basic physics. Conclusion: not much.

We got to T–‘s house just after four, and after a happy reunion with wives and baby daughters, we talked with Mom and Dad and the Charboneaus for a while, then headed to the church for “dinner and entertainment.”

I rode with Mom and Dad, and we spent most of the drive there discussing social anxiety disorder and specific management techniques. Then we showed up and I almost immediately forgot everything we’d talked about. The fellowship hall was packed, and there were so many half-remembered faces in the crowd, and really all I wanted to do was leave.

Dinner was a catered spread featuring sliced brisket, and as I filed through the line to fill my plate, I talked to four or five old family friends. Then halfway down the table, with my back turned to the tables full of people, I was suddenly overcome. My head started spinning, I couldn’t breathe, and I thought for sure I was going to pass out. I did as Dad had suggested, focusing on calming breaths while I made my way to the end of the line, and then discovered that Mom had picked out a table in the far back corner. So that helped a little. By the time I sat down, I felt almost normal again.

That was really the worst of it. Some friends stopped by our table to say hi, and a couple of them sat down with us, but with my sister’s family and my parents, we had the table mostly full already. After dinner everyone headed to the auditorium for a special presentation of all the former ministers (which included my Dad). I stayed out in the foyer with my sister and brother-in-law for most of that, though, flipping through some photo albums they’d put out. Most of the pictures were of my time in the youth group, and they were rich with memories. Honestly, those thirty minutes looking through photos made the whole thing worthwhile.

I did finally join Mom and Dad in the auditorium in time for a poorly-conceived Westlink Church of Christ History Jeopardy, which was more entertaining by its floundering than by design. I don’t mean that in a mean-spirited way, because the hosts took it all in stride, and Gary (the pulpit minister for as long as I’ve known Westlink) has always had a charming knack for laughing off little mistakes.

When we got in the car to head home Dad asked me about my experience, and I mentioned how much I’d enjoyed looking through the photos, because I have such a poor memory of my time in high school. On a whim, he offered to drive by the old school (it being just a mile out of the way). I’d done that a few times on my visits to the west side of town, but I’d never thought to actually turn onto the campus. Dad did, and by some strange fortune the gates were actually open so we could drive right up to the school.

As I’ve discussed social anxiety more and more recently, the question has often come up of when I first started struggling with it. And, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t have a good answer. That brief tour Saturday night, though, confirmed suspicion it was firmly in place by high school. As we approached the building, I remember thinking, “Oh, it’s weird how familiar this all is!” And then as we got to the point where you’d actually turn toward the parking places, pick a spot, and then go in to classes, I was suddenly overwhelmed. Worse than when I was standing in line at church, I felt a crushing weight on my chest and my vision darkened. My heart started racing, as Dad casually swung past the parking spaces, up to the curb, and then turned back toward the exit.

Halfway there, after we’d left all the buildings behind, I finally found enough air to say weakly, “Oh, that was weird.” I paused for a moment, collected my thoughts, and then tried to explain to them what it had felt like. Mom and Dad are both trained counselors now, so they were interested and able to offer insight. Dad said I’d encounter that other places, too, because physical places tended to have strong emotional memory associated with them. That was easily the worst I’d ever experienced, though.

Still, by the time we turned onto Tyler and left the campus behind, I felt fine.

Sunday
Sunday morning T– woke up early and took AB up to church for the pre-class coffee and donuts, figuring that she should be there for that since she’d skipped dinner Saturday night. I stayed home, slept in, and went with the Charboneaus in time for service at 10:30.

The service was a pretty good one, with some fantastic song-leading and a true-to-form emotional sermon from Gary. Afterward they had a big balloon release in memory of the Westlink family members who had gone on before. We’d intended to skip that, slip away during the confusion and have a quiet little family lunch, but when my sister went to get the little ones out of kids’ church, she got trapped in the crowd. And when I went in search of my errant sister, I did too. That turned out to be a lucky break, though, because I got to see Kelly Sullivan there. She’s a Mackey now, and I keep track of her on Facebook, but it was still nice to see an old friend. I also spoke with Serena Dawson and Loni Jo Butler and Steve Hutchins on Saturday night, and that’s pretty much it for other youth group alumni. Everybody else was family friends.

Anyway, after that we slipped away during the confusion, and had a quiet little family lunch at Carlos O’Kelly’s. Then Mom and Dad headed home, and my sister and her family came back to OKC, and T– and I ran to her parents’ place to get packed up and then we followed shortly after. We got home around five, order a pizza, and spent the evening on the couch, getting caught up with work on our laptops while AB played with puzzles and watched Shrek for the first time.

It was a busy weekend. Good, though. Better than I expected.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

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Social Anxiety

I woke up this morning with grand plans for a blog post all about the role of vampires in fantasy literature. I spent much of the morning thinking about it, composing, and then over lunch something happened. As I was leaving the restaurant, a small group went out ahead of me: three grown men, and a young boy. He couldn’t have been older than six, but as the four of them crossed the parking lot he was joking with the others, carrying on an effortless conversation in the most natural way.

As I got in my car, I realized with a shock that I could remember that. I’d been that boy, years and years and years ago.

Sometime in the last couple years, I’ve started using the phrase “social anxiety.” It’s become a tag for my blog posts, it’s become an excuse for missing social events, and it’s become a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine it’s become a little tiresome, too. I’ve made an effort to be open and honest about it — sharing as much of myself as I can to those people who’ve earned some explanation. The last time I tried, someone asked me if I could remember when it started, but my memory failed me. Seeing that little boy outside Buffalo Wild Wings reminded me of a life I’d lived before social anxiety, though. And then I realized that, even though very few of my friends have experienced life with social anxiety, I’ve experienced life without it. That gives me a touchstone, if nothing else.

I know a handful of extroverts, but the one who stands out most in my mind is Brent Lightsey, a fellow in our small group at church. He’s so outgoing, so anxious to meet new people and make them feel at ease. It’s clear anytime you’re around him that he takes energy from that interaction and delights in everyone he meets. Social encounters really make his day.

I know a lot of introverts, too, and I’m certainly one myself. When it comes to introverts, social encounters are draining. It takes effort to be friendly, even with people you like, and when the social experience is over, an introvert needs a little time alone to get back up to speed. Then there’s the person with social anxiety. When it comes to real anxiety, it’s not just draining. It’s not just uncomfortable. Social encounters make me feel like I’m dying.

That’s not an exaggeration, not hyperbole to get your attention. If you want some corroboration, go look up the symptoms of an anxiety attack. They come in varying degrees of intensity, but even moderate anxiety attacks are often mistaken for heart attacks — to the extent that a person’s first anxiety attack almost always takes him to the emergency room. You can’t catch your breath, and you feel like you’re about to throw up. Tension builds in your chest until it aches, and often your heart races until you can feel your pulse pounding in your ears. Your limbs go weak without warning, and if it’s bad enough you find yourself unable to focus your eyes, to maintain a train of thought.

That’s not shyness. Shy doesn’t send you to the hospital. That’s not being an introvert. That’s not antisocial, either, because it has nothing to do with your attitude, with your intentions, with how much you like the person you’re talking to. It’s a physical response, not an intellectual one.

That’s not Asperger’s, either. There are people who are incapable of normal human interaction, either because they fundamentally cannot understand other people or because they haven’t developed basic social skills. That’s not my problem. I’m not the most charismatic guy in the room, but I can play my part. I can make friends, I can charm, I can be the life of the party.* It’s just that, for days beforehand and days after, I’m crippled by the physical toll of it.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you’ve probably noticed I’ve been talking a lot about Courtney in the last month. Courtney is arguably the first new friend I’ve made in seven years, and part of the reason that actually happened is because we have so much in common. Courtney and I are both writers. We’ve both been writers since high school. We’re both long-time fans of the fantasy genre, and of sci-fi, and just basically both huge nerds. We’re both multi-lingual, fascinated with linguistics, and interested in all the languages of Man. We both went through the same degree program at OC — just a couple years apart. We were both in the Honors program. We both grew up in the same faith. We’re both monarchists.

After our writer’s group last month I stuck around to talk with Courtney some, to share stories about our lives. We’ve exchanged novels and shared fantastic feedback and discussion. We’ve compared music and movies and favorite authors, and we’ve read each other’s blogs in all their verbose monstrosity. It’s fair to say we’re real friends at this point.

And then last Wednesday night, in the four-minute break between class and service, I caught Courtney to comment on her novel and borrow a book she’d recommended. We stood in the aisle between two rows of pews, and discussed some of the same sort of things we’ve exchanged (literally) hundreds of pages of digital communication on, and I spent the whole time feeling ill.

The topics were things I was perfectly comfortable with, so a sane part of my mind carried on the conversation, but at the same time another part of my brain was screaming in frantic panic, trying to figure out what to do. “What am I going to say when she stops talking? Am I going to sound like an idiot?”Neither one of those was a problem — that other part of my brain was responding casually, easily, but the irrational fear was there anyway. “How long are we supposed to stand here talking? When is the bell going to ring? Are we in people’s way? Should I be talking to Jeff? What about Nicki? I just got up and left them in the pew. How am I going to wrap up this conversation? What can I say to get out of it? Maybe I should just run away. I’d look like an idiot. But I look like an idiot now, right? What am I going to say? What am I going to do?” All of it a screaming fury that I had to pretend wasn’t there.

And all of it absurd. Don’t feel bad if you laughed at any of that, because it’s ridiculous. The moment the bell rang and Courtney said, “Oh, I guess we should sit down,” it was gone. All of that frantic panic. All of the thoughts that had gone with it. But it’s not just the fleeting nature of the experience that tells me it’s false. I can find the words, I can identify the specific fears, and I recognize them as totally baseless. I do know what to say next. I’m fairly confident I don’t sound like an idiot (because people keep wanting to talk to me). I even know how to wrap up a conversation. To me, that frantic voice has to be a manufactured expression of something physical. Something more primitive, and outside of my reason.

It happens every time I talk to anyone, though. I described my encounter with Courtney so you could see the absurdity of it, because we have so much in common, and that social encounter was predicated entirely on the things we have in common. True, she’s a new friend, but I feel the same thing when I find myself in a one-on-one conversation with Kris, or even Dan. I’ve been friends with Dan for as long as I’ve been me. I experience the same thing when I call up Trish to ask her if she could pick up some Dr Pepper while she’s at the store, or anytime I walk into my boss’s office to talk about work.

It’s fleeting. Minutes after that conversation with Courtney I was better — albeit a little bit ashamed — and that’s the way these things go. The physical symptoms that went with it were maybe a little difficulty breathing, maybe a little pain in my chest, but nothing you’d really be surprised by. The full anxiety attack usually grows out of big events: a long weekend spent with family, a Halloween party with our small groups, a writer’s group where I’m going to do a lot of talking.

If I see it coming, that panic starts a long, long time before I ever lock eyes with anyone. It messes with my sleep schedule, sometimes for weeks. It messes up my appetite for days beforehand, and hits me with real nausea all day the day of. In the hours before the event, I often find myself wandering around aimlessly, unable to concentrate on anything at all. I’ll usually lie down somewhere dark and quiet, and tell myself it’s just an anxiety attack — it’ll be over soon enough — and mostly I just try to breathe.

Then when it’s over the let-down is almost as bad. There’s almost always a severe headache from the sudden disappearance of all that stress. I can never sleep the night after, with the sickening rush of adrenaline still in my system, and usually I still feel sick to my stomach, too, after days of irregular appetite. The worst of it, though, is the real shame that comes from realizing how much of the last few days (and weeks, and months) I’ve spent agonizing over something so trivial.

That’s social anxiety. In case you were curious.

* references available upon request

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Journal Entry: August 3, 2009

Friday
Last Friday I got to work to find an email from the Deputy Secretary of Transportation encouraging all FAA managers and supervisors to support a (highly symbolic) DOT Telework Day. Any employees who wanted to were encouraged to try out telework (that is to say, working from home), in the hopes of more permanent adoption.

We got that email on Friday, when 2/3 of the office was out on RDO (including, I should point out, all the managers and supervisors). DOT Telework Day is today. That was the least useful Department-wide memo ever sent.

Anyway, contractors are not allowed to telework, so it never would’ve mattered to me. Still, bummer.

I got home from work a little early on Friday, which gave me time to work out before heading out to our July Poker Night. (Yep — just barely slipped that one in). My sister let us use her place again, and D– and K– both made it. D– brought with him ingredients for a vodka cocktail called the “O. G. Diddy,” and after his clumsy attempts to make it I took over bartending and we all found the drink remarkably good. So remarkable, in fact, that it directed the fortunes of all our evenings (and most of our mornings on Saturday, too).

We defied nomenclature and played Rock Band for a couple hours, until someone’s wild thrashing brought the XBox crashing off its shelf and engraved the Rock Band disc with a shiny silver line that rendered it worthless. Instead of being concerned, we probably laughed hysterically. It was that kind of night.

Then we played poker for two hours and watched Mean Girls. After that, a little bit past midnight, my little sister drove us all home. I stayed up for a bit playing Fallout and hydrating, and cursing myself for making the same fool mistake two weeks in a row.

Saturday
Saturday morning saw me awake a bit before nine, and I killed a couple hours working on the computer and playing with AB. Then, half past noon, we headed to Edmond for my niece’s birthday party.

That was at McDonalds, and we had family from Dallas up to visit, as well as my dad and brother-in-law (with all his little ones) from Little Rock. The party was two hours in an enclosed play area with, what, ten kids under ten-years-old. It was a lot of noise, with echoes. I gather from more reliable sources that it was a lovely party for a four-year-old. So I’ll leave it at that.

Afterward T– took AB to go swimming with the rest of the party guests, but I went back home for a nap. Ended up playing Fallout instead, but it was just as recuperative. T– brought AB home for a late nap, and when she woke up we headed back to Edmond for dinner at my sister’s house. There was pizza for all, and movies for the little ones. Dad got started watching The Incredibles, which he’d never seen before, and found he actually liked it.

Halfway through the movie, I had to leave to head over to K– and N–‘s place so they could go watch Harry Potter. Dad came with me, tearing himself away from the movie, but he was gratified to learn when we arrived that K– had a copy of it, too. They put the baby down to sleep, then headed to the movie, and all I had to do for the night was be there in case of emergency (and, of course, there was none).

While we waited, Dad got out his laptop and I borrowed N–‘s, and we watched The Incredibles and talked about getting published. Dad talked me into querying a new literary agent who’s specializing in science fiction and fantasy, and I talked him into starting a blog. We spent much of the next three hours doing the tedious work necessary to follow through on those ideas.

Then one o’clock rolled around and K– and N– rolled home, and we got their quick opinion on the movie and then headed home to get some sleep.

Sunday
Sunday morning we woke up late enough to skip Bible class but early en0ugh to grab donuts on the way to service. Or, as I like to call it, “the magic hour.”

I delivered unto Courtney her marked-up manuscript, then hastily took our seats before service started. We ended up filling the row with family, when my sister brought all hers and the brother-in-law with his, and N– had to sit in the row behind us.

Afterward, the whole family went to P. F. Chang’s for lunch, which was a mess. I’m just saying, that’s a lot of little kids. It was awesome as always, though. Then we said goodbyes in the parking lot, and the Little Rock folks headed home, and we took AB home for a nap, and then…I guess I spent the afternoon playing Fallout.

That game has to come to an end at some point, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon. That’s okay, I didn’t really want to get a book finished this month anyway.

We’d decided on the way home from lunch that we wanted to have dinner at the newly-opened Freddy’s on north Penn., so as six o’clock rolled around, we called D– and K– and N– to see if anyone of them wanted to join us, and they all said yes. When we got to the restaurant, I heard a woman call out my name just inside the door, and we turned to find our stylist, Karen, there with her friends. She got to meet AB for the first time, and T– and I both got to fight down the urge to introduce her to D–. Then she went back to her booth, and we went to ours, and we had phenomenal cheesesteaks for supper.

And frozen custard for dessert.

And then when we got home we had just time to watch an episode of Leverage, and then put AB to bed, and then it was bedtime for us, too. We read for a while, and gradually drifted off to sleep.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

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Journal Entry: July 27, 2009

Hah! You just thought I was the perfect husband.* On Saturday N– orchestrated a surprise party for T–, and I got her just what she wanted (SFW). In your face, Mister Darcy!

Ahem.

Friday
Friday was a long day at work trying to figure out how we’re going to handle the crippling documentation we got from Raytheon. Not fun.

Shortly after I got home, we went out to dinner for T–‘s birthday. We decided to try somewhere new, and picked a little pizzeria we’d driven past a dozen times up on May. K– and N– and D– joined us, and we each ended up getting our own personal pizza, trying all the house specialties (I think) and a plain ol’ boring half-beef half-pepperoni for AB and me. It was delicious.

Afterward D– came over to introduce me to a hilarious show called Three Sheets while T– went to see a movie with my little sister. Three Sheets is a travel show about a guy who goes to exotic locations (we watched Brussels, Champagne, Jamaica, and Costa Rica), tries all of the famous regional liquors while participating in the local night life, and then the next morning tests out the indigenous hangover remedies. That last part is made necessary by the sheer, absurd indulgence of the first part. It’s fun.

Anyway, T– got home late, D– went home, and I think I made it to bed while it was still Friday.

Saturday
Saturday morning I woke up around 9:30, worked out on the elliptical, and then ran up to Taco Bell to grab us some lunch. Then I invested myself in Courtney’s novel, and read through to chapter sixteen before AB woke up from her nap and we had to leave.

We had plans to be at K– and N–‘s place by 3:30, so that T– could go shopping with N– to help her find a frame for a painting T– had made her a year or so ago. D– joined us (because he and I were going to go hang with K– and probably play some XBox), we drove up there, and then N– took T– to get a massage. As a special surprise, several of her friends were there, too.

While she was doing that, K– got the kitchen decorated and set up for a surprise party, D– watched AB, and I ran up to Walgreens to get some wrapping paper and wrapped T–‘s present. When T– came back to the house, with Becca and E– and my little sister in tow, she was surprised again to find an actual party waiting for her. She loved it all.

When the party finally wound down, T– went with my sister to do some shopping at Hobby Lobby, and B– gave D– and me a ride back to our house. I read another two chapters of Triad so I could give some specific feedback, and then contacted D– to see if he wanted to go out. We ended up heading to Henry Hudson’s around nine, and we were there until they turned on the lights and kicked us out. In betwixt, too much alcohol and much talk of relationships and religion.

I got home around 2:30, and made the wise decision to stay up and do some hydrating, and while I was at it I watched Joe vs. the Volcano. Excellent flick. Finally went to bed a little after four.

Sunday
Sunday morning I woke up in time for church, took a Benadryl and two ibuprofen, and then crawled back into bed. T– called me at 11:45 to ask (doubtfully) if I wanted to join them for lunch, and I said sure. We had Schlotzky’s, which really hit the spot.

Then I spent the afternoon playing Fallout, which is an incredibly massive game. I got lost in it, and in no time at all it was after five. T– called me out for dinner, and afterward I decided I should actually do something useful with my Sunday so I mowed. Then I got a little too ambitious and pulled out the chainsaw to trim some of the trees along our front fence. The end result looks nice, though, and it should make mowing next time a more pleasant experience, though.

After that I came in and helped T– get her Cricut up and running, and she showed off just how cool it is (which is to say, very), and then we put AB down for a nap, and then we sat side-by-side on the loveseat with our various laptops and read through Digg for an hour (which was a little surreal), and then we went to bed.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

* no you didn’t

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Fair Notice

To anyone who has need to call me, ever:

As a general rule, unless I have reason to suspect an emergency, I don’t answer my phone while I’m in a conversation.

That’s what caller ID is for. And voicemail. I’ll call you back when I get a chance. And if you’re the caller, just know I’ll extend you the same courtesy when I’m in a conversation with you and somebody else calls. Socializing is difficult enough without constant technological interruptions.

Stop pretending to be surprised or making jokes that I never answer my phone. It’s usually deliberate, and for good reason.

That is all.

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Journal Entry: August 22, 2008

Last night was a bit of a strange one.

Yesterday, during the day, we cooked up a plan for a Pogue Family Writer’s Convention, which will be taking place in Branson in October. So, first thing after I got home, I got to explain to T– that I was going off to Missouri for a weekend and she wasn’t invited. Fun.

Then I spent half an hour or so playing with AB, before T– took her along and went to the monthly church picnic. As I really hate having anxiety attacks on schoolnights, I elected to skip it.

I tried to get in touch with D–, and it turned out he did get in at a reasonable hour, but he already had dinner plans. I tried contacting B–, since I knew he was stuck at home with a baby and might want some company, but I got no answer and he never called me back. So, when I finally gave up on all of them, I went out to get myself a sandwich around 7:30. I went to Subway first, but they proved incompetent, so after a ten minute wait (behind one other customer), and no sign they’d be getting to me anytime soon, I walked out and went to Jersey Mike’s. Their club is awesome.

Around the time I finished eating, T– got home with the baby, and we said goodnight to her, then T– watched me play a demo I’d downloaded of a new game called Too Human. I read good reviews of it earlier in the week and passed those along to K– and D– in the hopes of getting some multiplayer going. Anyway, it seemed prudent to check out the demo before dropping $50 for it, so I did, and I absolutely enjoyed it. It’s easily a game that can keep me interested until Spore comes out.

In other news, I got my report back from the doctor for my blood work last week, and I get to cut down on fats and sugars in my diet, and come back in three months for another test. Yay! Also, I got a raise at work, in addition to the cost-of-living increase, so that’s welcome news.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

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Journal Entry: July 14, 2008

I had a busy weekend.

Friday after work, I stopped in to get a haircut, and my stylist told me she’d been pushing our Tulsa house. She said, by coincidence, she’d encountered five or six people in the last couple months planning to move to Tulsa, and she’d told them all, “I have the perfect house for you!” She hasn’t seen it, knows nothing about it, but she’s been trying to sell it for us. I told her she was doing a better job promoting the house than our realtor.

Afterward D– joined us for dinner at Poblano’s (because Texas Roadhouse kept hanging up on us), and then we all met K– and N– at the Cold Stone Creamery in the mall for some ice cream, then we headed back to our place and watched Adventures in Babysitting — my first pick in our 80s Movies Review.

It went over pretty well. K– was no impressed, going into it, and I never really got a good opinion from him afterward, but for the rest of us, I think it was everything we remembered it being. I enjoyed it, anyway.

That made for a relatively late night. Then Saturday T– and I watched some Boston Legal, D– came over in the afternoon to play some HeroScape, and of course Saturday night we went to see Jim Gaffigan perform at the Rose State Performing Arts Center. Beforehand, we met Toby and Gwyn at Old Chicago and had some delicious (if hurried) pizza. Then Jim was funnier than I really expected, with mostly new material, and it was quite an experience seeing it in person. I basically didn’t stop laughing for about an hour and a half. Good stuff.

Sunday morning I didn’t feel like dealing with society, so I stayed home while T– went to church. There was a pot luck fellowship afterward, which T– and K– and N– planned to attend for lunch, so I called D– up around 11:00 and he and I ran down to Freddy’s to eat. We were back at the house being lazy when T– got home. She put AB down for a nap, and then we spent the early afternoon watching Arrested Development. Then D– and I made a run for snowcones, and we picked up his copy of Hellboy while we were out, and we spent the rest of the afternoon watching that.

As soon as the credits rolled, T– and I ran out the door to get to evening services on time (or, as it turned out, five minutes late). They’re doing a video series on Sunday nights put on by the minister T– liked so much in Tulsa, and they said there was going to be a staffed nursery, so it seemed like a really good idea. When we got there, we found the nursery unstaffed (probably because no kids had shown up in time), so we took AB in with us, but that didn’t last long. I volunteered to watch her, and took her back to the nursery, so I spent most of the next hour watching her play and fetching toys off high shelves at her insistence. Man, that baby can’t really speak yet, but she can jab a finger with true eloquence.

After church, K– and N– came over for chili dogs, and we found D– still on our couch, so we fed him too. We turned on an Arrested Development, middle of season two, and watched that while we ate. K– and N–, who have never watched the series, were not impressed. The rest of us rolled, though, and after K– and N– went home we watched six more episodes, discussing after each how much better or worse that one might have been to show them.

I got to bed around 10:40, and got to sleep some time around 1:00, although I probably spent some time snoring before then.

Then this morning I drove the Saturn to work, because T– had business in Tulsa and we knew the Saturn was having some problems with its tires. Specifically tread separation, and I didn’t want to see T– stranded on the side of the interstate.

You never want to drive on separating treads, but tires aren’t exactly cheap, either, so I probably would have let her drive around town with those tires for another week or two, if I hadn’t driven the car today. I had no idea it was so bad. It was like driving down a rough dirt road, with all the bouncing and jostling. Ugh. So I took my lunch break and ran up to Wal-Mart for a new tire — and learned I needed two, and they showed me the splits on the tires they’d taken off. I was lucky to make it into work this morning without having to change a tire.

So, bah, that’s basically the same problem on both of our cars, within a two week window. I could live without that sort of thing.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

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Journal Entry: Nickipendence Day 2008

If you check the “My Favorites” links over on the right, you can find picture (and video) illustration of pretty much all the following events. It was a friend-heavy weekend, so all of my friends are chronicling the same things.

Anyway, last Thursday night T– and I went to the gym fairly early, then got home to meet D–, who brought some BWW for dinner. D– had picked up a Sony Handycam camcorder as T–‘s birthday present (that he, his mom, and I had all gone in on), and we went ahead and gave it to her three weeks early so that she could get some footage of N–‘s birthday party on Friday. So we presented that to her, and she was suitably astonished. D– and I played several rounds of Heroscape while T– played with her new camera, and then we watched some TV.

Friday morning I woke up a little before nine, and T– and I ran up to Barnes and Noble to get the rest of N–‘s birthday present. Then…well, somehow by that point it was already 11:15, so we headed over to K– and N–‘s for her birthday party.

Everybody was there. Everybody. We had a delicious lunch, and the kids played in a bouncy castle that they’d rented for the party (so cool), and then we played some party games before all the babies started crying for naps. It was probably two-ish when the party broke up.

We stopped by D–‘s apartment and grabbed his new Fourth Edition D&D books on the drive home, and started working on making up some characters. Nap-time called, though, and we all dozed for most of the afternoon. Evening rolled around, I roused myself enough to order some pizzas, and we finally got around to filling out some character sheets.

It took several hours. The process is enough changed from previous editions and, more significantly, the entire Players Handbook describes the process of character creation. You can’t just turn to pages 20-24 and go through the process. There’s bits scattered throughout the book. Once we know what’s needed, it will actually be a quicker process than Second Edition character creation (and way quicker than the Third Editions), but our first two characters took all night.

Saturday morning AB woke up before T– or I. We were both laying in bed, not ready to get up, and AB was screaming in her room. I decided that, if T– would go ahead and get up (and let me sleep for another half hour or so), I would mow the front yard for her when I did get up. I was about to say as much out loud, when she threw back the covers and went to get AB. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

I finally got up around 9:30, and decided to honor my deal. T– put AB down for her morning nap and she went to the grocery store while I mowed. Then I went out back and, using my newly reacquired drill (K– had been borrowing it), I installed a waterhose hanger on the back of the house. T– had picked it up a couple months ago, and it’s a really nice one. Only took about five minutes to hang, but that’s the first time I’ve ever used a mortar bit or (most terrifying) drilled into the facade of my house. Everything went fine, though.

Sometime in the afternoon I got online and checked out our bank account, and discovered we didn’t have nearly enough money. Ugh. Between all the car problems over the last week and several big purchases, I’d kind of lost track of money running total, and here we are in trouble again. I hate that.

Anyway, I spent most of the afternoon working on our finances, trying to figure out when to pay what and what we should expect in terms of budget stuff. No fun, but I think I’ve got it mostly ironed out.

Saturday evening, T– had plans to go hang out with Rebecca, so I stayed home with AB. T– left about 6:00, had dinner at Chili’s, and then watched Get Smart with Rebecca. I’m jealous.

I didn’t spend the evening alone, though. K– and N– called, and I asked them to come help me with the baby. AB was easier than I expected, though, so they were mostly just there to keep me company. We had Olive Garden (they picked some up To Go), and watched 21, which was an entertaining flick. It had some pretty stupid plot holes, but it was still a fun hour and a half.

By the end of the movie, AB was in bed for the night. K– and N– went home, and I spent a couple hours reading Cat Who until T– got home, then I went to bed a little bit before midnight.

Sunday morning we went to church, and then El Chico for lunch with K– and N–. Afterward, AB and I took naps while T– went swimming with N– at my little sister’s community pool. Then Josh stopped in (he’d been in Tulsa for the weekend), and we watched Family Guy and talked for a couple hours before he headed back home to Little Rock.

Then T– and I headed to Edmond for small groups. K– and N– didn’t make it, so it was the rest of the young couples group (or whatever we’re called) at Brent and Celia’s, and AB running all over the place. Between chasing AB and social anxiety stuff (I am not comfortable among these folks), I had a terrible time. It was a nice enough evening, but I’m just not wired that way.

We got home around 8:30, and T– put AB down while I went back to my office just to be alone with my breakdown. I got over it soon enough, though, and T– and I watched three episodes of Boston Legal, and finally went to bed at 11:00.

Then, I couldn’t sleep. I lay in bed for about half an hour, then got up and played some video games for an hour or so, and came back and still couldn’t sleep. It was not a pleasant night.

I was a little late getting up this morning, but nothing near as bad as last Monday. Got to work, and it’s been a pretty nice day, in spite of the long night.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.

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Journal Entry: June 30, 2008

We spent Friday evening with D– and his mom.

They came over shortly after I got home from work. We placed a take-out order at Abuelo’s, then D– and I ran up to a liquor store for a box of Chardonnay, grabbed a bag of ice so we could play MythBusters, and then picked up the food.

Dinner, of course, was delicious. As far as the MythBusters thing went, we took the plastic inner bag out of the wine box (which contains the actual wine) and soaked it in a bath of ice-cold saltwater. That’s supposed to be the fastest way to bring a liquid beverage down to chilly temperatures without access to a chemistry lab.

It worked…pretty well. Ten minutes in or so, it was about as cold as several hours in the fridge could have achieved. D– and I had several large glasses, and his mom had more than one.

We talked a lot, listened to some music, and then ended up playing Karaoke Revolution for several hours. It was nearly one in the morning by the time they left.

Saturday morning I woke up late (of course), and went with T– to [somewhere] to shop for [something] for [s–‘s] birthday. It’s all terribly hush-hush, so I can’t tell you any more than that.

Then I spent the afternoon working on the house. I replaced the tub faucet (which had a faulty shower diverter), I rewired the light-switch in our master bath so that the light doesn’t have to be on to provide power to the switch, and while I was at it I replaced the regular outlet there with a GFCI outlet, just because.

I also discovered that I’d lost my drill, and spent most of the next 24-hours in mourning, and then learned all of a sudden that K– has been borrowing my drill for a couple weeks now. So that’s all taken care of.

Saturday evening T– had a crop to attend, and we’d discussed doing a guys’ night at County Line BBQ, but K– ended up working most of the weekend, and B– was out in San Francisco all of Friday and most of Saturday, so when he got in he wasn’t really up to doing much. So it ended up being just D– and me.

We went to see Wanted which would have been a pretty cool movie (albeit cheesy in a Fantasy Action flick kind of way) except that the main character is a total dumbass and the character playing him is a major loser — you end up hating every moment that he’s on screen. And, him being the main character, that was something of a problem.

After the movie, we grabbed some Freddy’s for dinner, then went to D–‘s apartment and watched another awful movie: The Covenant. This one was somewhat intentional — it struck me as the same basic story, except with warlocks instead of assassins. A better description, now that I’ve seen it, would be The Craft with dudes. It was not good.

To make up for all the terrible movieage, we went up to Henry Hudsons for a few drinks, and that was pretty fun. I get home a little bit before one in the morning.

Yesterday morning, quite unintentionally, I slept through church. T– came home right after and called out to ask if I was awake, and I discovered then, at 11:40, that the answer was no. She also mentioned that K– and N– were coming over for lunch, so I jumped up and grabbed a really quick shower.

We went to Jersey Mike’s for lunch, which I had just told D– I didn’t like, but once we got there I discovered I’d been thinking of Winston McDougals, and Jersey Mike’s is quite all right. So there’s a little story for you.

After lunch, K– and N– went home to take naps, and I went home and should have, but instead I watched a ton of Boston Legal with T–, and then suddenly it was 6:00 and D– showed up for dinner and a few minutes later K– and N– showed. T– made some great sloppy joes, and I made salsa, and after dinner we watched an 80’s movie, because we were all gathered together.

This time it was one of K–‘s picks, and we chose Bladerunner over Tron in a split decision. Mostly, it made me want to read the book. The premise was great, but I felt like they left out most of the action inherent in the story so that they could focus more directly on the malaise and inner turmoil — two things that don’t translate well to the TV screen, even if they were central to the written work.

It was fun, though. Our guests cleared out right around nine, and T– and I watched three more episodes of Boston Legal before we finally gave up and went to bed. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep, though, and it was probably around one in the morning before I finally drifted off.

Then I slept late again this morning. Very late. I think it may be a side effect of some painkillers I’m taking for my lower back, but it’s more likely the result of all those ones in the morning. Either way, it’s a nuisance. Hopefully I’ll be back on schedule tomorrow morning.

Other than that, it’s just things and stuff.